Thursday, April 15, 2010

New Never-Ending Fuel Alternative Discovered for the USA!

I believe that I have come up with a new fuel alternative for the United States of America! Someone show me the way to the Patent Office when I'm finished with this post please! The new alternative fuel source for America is ......

PET HAIR

That's right Pet Hair and I also believe that I alone can provide enough pet hair to take care of all of the fuel needs for at least half the population of Michigan.  I have a never-ending supply of the awful stuff. Not only does it end up on the floors, furniture and our clothing, we have so much of it here that we actually use it as condiments - not by choice really, it just happens.  Speaking of condiments, if the whole alternative fuel thing doesn't work out for me, I could market some Cat Hair "Catsup", or perhaps bottles of Doggie Dander Dressing for a nice green salad.

You might think this whole pet hair fuel alternative as odd...but I'm telling you I think it really could work. I know this because every single day of my life, I have a routine and it goes something like this: 

1. Wake up, Drink Diet Pepsi and stare at pet hair that has somehow manufactured its' self during the night (I guess my pet hair prefers the night shift) I see it in clumps under the kitchen chairs, by the dining table and scattered about the living room floor.  (Pet hair floats really well across laminate and tiled floors and don't get me started about how all that hair is highlighted by the sun shining in the windows).

2. Get broom and dust pan and sweep up large clumps of pet hair (sometimes along with sandbox sand from grandsons). 

...at this point you might ask why I don't just get my vacuum out and use that really nice bare floor tool attachment.  Well let me tell you that it is a must to actually sweep BEFORE I vaccum. (As soon as I am done sweeping I vaccum as well)  I have a beautful vacuum it's a Kenmore and while I love it, they don't give away the vacuum bags and the fact is, if I just vacuumed instead of first sweeping... I'd make our little Sears store here in town a lotta money and I'd be broke!  This is why....



Above you is a horrendous photograph which reflects the average amount of Pet Hair that I first sweep up with the broom EVERY SINGLE MORNING of my life! (well okay, sometimes I make someone else do it) Anyhow, now image how quickly my vacuum bags would fill up! I placed the Glimmer Mist bottle next to the pile so that you can get an idea of the size of this pile of hair. (Go ahead and ignore the dirt that is also included in this hair pile from my floor) I image that before the hair can be turned to fuel there will have to be some filtering system designed... regardless before I can get this idea off the ground I'm gonna need a really good Scientist (who works for free) to figure out how to process this stuff and turn it into fuel, or an excellent chef who can help me with the whole condiment thing. After that I'll put the scientist to work on finding a new use for DRYER LINT...because I got a whole bunch of that stuff too!  In the meantime, I am going to vacuum...AGAIN!

P.S. Cher a blog pal of mine has suggested that I glimmer mist the hair and come up with a crafty project with it.... LOL... I'm gonna have to brainstorm!!!!

5 Scrappy Comments:

Cher~ said...

Oooh, maybe you can actually glimmer mist the hair and find some crafty way to use it. When I first saw the picture before reading, that's what I thought you were going to show us. Or, you could get really crafty and spin your own pet wool. ;-) PS. I was so blessed to receieve a IRobot Roomba from family as gift and love how it vacuums daily (while I do something else). It does a great job on pet hair.

Elizabeth (Beth) Moore said...

LOL...too funny Cher... I had to add your suggestion to the post!

Sandi said...

As Beth's best friend I can certainly attest to the accuracy of her statement about "pet hair" condiments as I am able to frequently enjoy (or not enjoy) the "catsup"! I too would be able to help Beth with fueling America with pet hair. Maybe not quite as much as Beth, but close!

Cher~ said...

LOL. That is great. Love the idea and can't wait to see what you come up with. I'll try to brainstorm with you.

Audrey Pettit said...

My gosh, do you ever make me laugh!! I just recently adopted a Golden through a local rescue group, and I'm astounded by the amount of hair that, yes, accumulates overnight magically. Now my eye is constantly drawn to hair bunnies wafting across my hardwoods and I cringe that a neighbor is going to come and ring my doorbell to come in.
And I have to admit that I thought you were going to show us some awesome crafty project using the Glimmer Mist and that fab hair ball. you definitely need to put your thinking cap on.

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